She doth protest too much

Well, not exactly, but makes too big a deal about something to be telling the truth. This had to be one where evil-JB and her counterpart evil-EJ together were trying to discredit me. Though I didn't really think about it until later.

They usually visited for hubbie's birthday. This year, they did not, because hubbie had a confict, so a few weeks later, he wanted to go visit them.

They went on and on and on about the birthday card that they sent hubbie. About where they bought it, about when they sent it, about how they had to chase down the mail carrier to get it in the mail in time, about putting extra postage on it to make sure it arrived, you get the drift.

They also were complaining about their mail carrier. (Boils down to that they didn't like him because he wasn't white.)

Finally after about the 15th time they mentioned the card, hubbie said that he didn't receive one. Then when the mail came, Father in law, evil EJ made a big deal about going out to accuse the mail carrier of throwing it away instead of sending it off.

At that point, it had not kicked in what they were REALLY doing. I saw it as them going after the mail carrier because he wasn't white. I took what they said as the truth. I had no idea if hubbie had gotten a card or not until he said so in the conversation. So I popped up and mentioned how the mail on our end is also bad... that we always get mail in our box that isn't ours and the neighbors get ours, and that it was probably at one of the neighbor's houses. That was what it was in my mind at the time.

Then I realized. There was likely never any card. They kept bringing it back up to try to get me in trouble, just like they lied about me withholding phone calls in my "big phone game" post. They part about going after the wrong-race mail carrier was cover. If they weren't trying to make trouble, why did they keep on and keep on bringing up, like 100 times, until hubbie finally said he didn't get the card.

If they were normal people, I'd say that the truth was it got put in the wrong box on our end. However, given the pattern of other things that they did, I think that they were just trying to make trouble. It was probably as revenge for not getting to visit on hubbie's birthday. But hubbie was involved in something of his own that day, he was taking a class that he could only go to on that day or had to wait about three months for.

One of my birthdays

I posted this on the MIL board. I said it was my 30^th birthday, but actually, I think it was my 35^th.

My hubbie did invite everyone he knew over to our house for my 30th birthday. As I am pushing 50 in a couple years, that's a long time ago.

Guess who was first to show up and last to leave?

JB brought with her: 8 yo niece, an Aunt and a friend who I never met. When hubbie got the cake out, the friend said "I didn't know it was FIL-less's birthday, I just thought we were coming to see JB's SON's House."

JB seated herself at the head of the dining room table and took over the dining room as her personal party place all day. She got the phone at the table and started making phone calls and inviting all of her friends and relatives in the area over to our house to see her. Then offering them food and cake when they came over.

Oh, and she was on a diet, so she could not eat the food that hubbie had gotten. He had to go back out to Wendy's and get the particular type of Wendy's salad she wanted. Didn't keep her from pigging out on cake!

My family came as well. It was my birthday, but I was huddled in a corner of the kitchen with my family, eating standing up, while JB was having her own impromptu craptacular in honor of herself in the dining room/party room.

And my Mother is all about appearances. She in her usual fashion kept telling me to be nice, to be a good hostess, etc. But none of the people at the "other party", JB's personal party even knew me or cared that I was there. JB had the place, her son provided the food and phone and she was having fun.

I don't remember her bringing me a gift. That's ok. She always brought cr@p anyway, so it would have been something that I had to get rid of! I got rid of everything she ever gave me, because I did not want her energy or the reminders.

Stories of Various ones of Hubbie's Birthdays

She used his birthday as an excuse to get his attention and get things from him.

This is a post that I made on the support board about some of his birthdays:

She was in the hospital once on his birthday. Do we think it's a coincidence?

One year, I invited SIL for a visit so that DH and SIL could have some brother-sister bonding time. It turned in to a visit from the whole clan -- MIL, FIL, SIL, SIL's DH, SIL's three kids. I silently figured out where I would sleep everyone and bought food for eight people. Then MIL and two nieces showed -- I had cooked a dinner for ten and only had three of the expected six guests show up -- the ones missing were the ADULTS and an almost grown boy. I was so furious that I fed them leftovers the rest of the weekend and froze the rest of the food that I had bought. They stayed several days.

A few years later, I had made the mistake of inviting MIL and FIL over for lunch when DH's birthday happened to fall on a Saturday. I was very specific it was lunch and not a weekend. They complied with that part. She tried to trump me by bringing "the cake." I had already told her when I invited her that I had special ordered a theme cake that DH would like. DH called her that morning that she was coming. When he got off the phone, he said "you don't need to get a cake when you go to the store, M is bringing the cake." The cake was a surprise ordered from a friend who had a business making cakes. She dropped in and delivered the day before and it was well-hidden. I did not tell DH that MIL knew about the other cake. At the party, DH, trying to keep me from looking bad to mommy said "friend made me a cake too....", no mention of me. MIL's cake was a Bundt cake mix cooked in the microwave. Then she had the nerve to bring leftover of the friend's cake home and left the nasty one at our house!

After that year, the ILs started inviting themselves over for lunch the closest Saturday to DH's birthday every year. One year, they had SIL with them. MIL and SIL walked around the house looking at every knick-knack and everything picking it up examining it like they were on a shopping spree. I felt violated that time.

After that, I felt like I had to essentially "child-proof" when they were coming to visit. The next birthday, I put a lot of stuff on the bed in the spare room and locked the door. MIL opened the door with her fingernail I guess. I tried to laugh it off, saying "you're not supposed to be in here, this room hasn't been cleaned." She replied "That's OK, I just wanted to see what you have."

The following birthday, I put everything on the bed again, put a blanket over it and put a box in the room that was in the way of entering the room more than a couple feet -- (because there is a closet next to the door, it's almost like that room has a door-length, closet depth entry way into it. The box was just beyond that. That finally kept her out.

Two years after I cut MIL out of my life, and a year after FIL died, DH said that MIL and SIL wanted to come up on the weekend closest birthday. I told him that it was his birthday, his choice, but I wasn't going to be there. He frowned and said "Why can't they come visit?" I said "They can come visit. I won't be here." I did make plans for a place to be and places to hide the breakables and valuables -- this time under lock and key -- if they came over. But they did not. A visit from them was never mentioned again.

Best I can remember, there were no gifts brought to DH at any of those visits, other than the dry microwaved bundt cake. Oh, we were told we could keep the cake plate. I donated it to some group that was having a yard sale.