Breast Cancer (not)

I don't remember what year this was, but it was before evil EJ passed away.

There are two parts to this. The first was another "phone game". Hubbie and I had been out somewhere. I don't remember where. The phone was ringing off the hook when we got home.

It was Evil EJ, the Father in Law. Hubbie got off the phone. First he said "Mama has cancer." Then he accused me of already knowing about it and not telling him.

Several days later -- maybe a couple weeks, Sister in Law calls the house. Hubbie was gone somewhere -- out of town maybe, I don't remember. She called to tell that Evil JB's surgery was over. The place was "very tiny" and not cancer.


The rest of her life, she claimed that she "has breast cancer." She didn't even say she was a breast cancer survivor.

She bought candles in honor of herself in Relay for Life. Wore pink breast cancer shirts. Things like that.

It made me angry. Even more when seeing my next door neighbor get a mastectomy and go through chemo and radiation and be sick as a dog and lose her hair. Even more than that when a good friend of mine's wife died from breast cancer AFTER having a mastectomy because they didn't get it all (partially due to malpractice). And later when the women's Olympic basketball coach Kay Yow died from breast cancer, after she had kept her career going until the last possible minute, being put in the hospital for her final hospitalization after a road trip with her team.

Evil JB had no idea what suffering was. She dishonored those people and all other people who have had this disease. The only bright spot from this was that perhaps she got a few donations for causes made in her name.

Note: Having had a questionable mammogram result checked out myself and biopsied negative, I know the emotion and discomfort associated. Some worry, some discomfort, followed by relief. I have not had reason to share it with many people, it was almost a non-event. Many women have experienced the same thing.

Something that I realized Years Later

You have to read the last post for this one to be in context: The Big Phone Game

A while after figuring out that the in-laws had been calling the house and hanging up when they didn't hear hubbie, a distant past memory surfaced.

Hubbie was working in Field Service. He had an office, but he wasn't usually there. He was usually on a call or just hanging around home instead. I called him one day when I thought he was at his office. This is in the days before voice mail, secretaries (that was what they were called back then) picked up and took messages if the person didn't answer.

This day he wasn't in and the secretary picked up. When she offered to take a message, I told her who I was and thanked her and said that I would just page him. She responded "well, why didn't you just hang up on me like you usually do?" At the time, I thought, WTF? I thought it was strange, but didn't think much more of it.

Now I realize. MIL hung up when she called the house and he didn't pick up. She was doing the same thing to his secretary!

I did know the secretary back then because I had worked at the company too, but now I don't remember who it was. I almost wish I could go back and tell her that it was evil JB hanging up on her and not me. It had to be, it fits!

The Big Phone Game

I thought I had posted this one, but I don't see it anywhere.

It's about the big lie that JB got hubbie to believe.

Hubbie and I were fighting one night. He accused me of answering the phone when his parents called and pretended that I did not hear anyone. I just figured he was lying and said so. He said, "I have been right in the kitchen with you and you acted like you couldn't hear anyone. I would call them later when you were in the shower and they would say 'I see you got your phone fixed.'"

It was so ridiculous that I just called him a liar and dismissed it. Then I went into the shower. Then I realized what happened. Occasionally, I would answer the phone while fixing dinner and nobody would be there. I assumed it was a wrong number. It was only occasional, not often enough for me to realize it was a pattern.

After that, I put an end to it. If I got a call that nobody said anything, I'd hand hubbie the phone and say "whoever it is won't say anything to me." Since she wouldn't admit what she did, she hung up on him too. If he wasn't home and I got a call, I'd tell him when I got home "Call your parents. " He'd ask if they called, and I would say "Somebody called at 5pm and wouldn't talk to me." He'd get mad and wrinkle his face.

It culminated when the golden grandchild had her first child. Phone rang about 5:30 that day when he wasn't home yet. I told him as usual and he disputed me as usual. About an hour later they called and told him all about the baby. All the time he was talking, I was in the living room, yelling "mighty damn funny!!!" When he got off the phone he told me that they had been at the hospital and just gotten home.

After that incident, they started calling him on his cell. Most of the time.

And, Why Did She Call This Time?

Often the posts on the support board lead me to remember things that I have forgotten. One was the text message game.

I remember something about my JB and text messages on her cell phone. Something about she was getting ones that weren't nice, but Hubbie's sister BG had to get them off for her. I asked Hubie, "Well, what was in the messages?" He said that BG only said "you wouldn't want to know."

It was quite a while back and I don't remember now why he told me the messages. He didn't usually tell me anything. I think he was trying to find out if I knew the number that they were coming from, but it was a number in MIL's city and I don't even know anybody in that area. (Yes, I know anyone can get a cell phone in any area, but nobody I knew did that either.) He had tried to trace the online number but I don't know that he found who it belonged to, only what city it belonged in.


After reading this you probably think what I think. MIL gets SIL to read her text messages for her, claiming she can't do it. Hubbie who lives in a different city from either receiver or alleged sender's number gets involved. Messages are supposedly not very nice. Uhhh huhhhhh....

It seemsed like an attention getting ploy to me. It seems staged to me. Why else would she get my hubbie involved? This is so teenage-- just like her other phone games.

Another Phone Game I Remembered

One evening, hubbie and I were working in the garden. While out there, she called his cell phone wanting to know what I wanted, claiming I had just called her and gotten disconnected. I guess I had been going in or out of the house, but we were both in the yard when she called.

But now, I as I think back... (Often everything didn't occur to me at the time it happened) If she really thought I had called, why did she return the call to his cell phone? Isn't it more like she wanted attention from him and couldn't think of anything, huh?

So 15 years old!